Saturday, June 12, 2010

Sh*t in your tea

I enjoyed watching the opening game of the World Cup.It was just a shame the Uruguay v France game that followed later was so poor.Of course today is the big game... and hopefully Messi and Tevez will be on form for the Argies v the Super Eagles!Apparently there's also a wee game on later too..

Since I cashed out and left my Party roll on life support I have felt more motivated to play and I managed to get 25 $11 turbos under my belt last night.I was 5-6 tabling and even at the $11 level my roll went from a starting point of $195 to as low as $94 before I managed to overcome some of the sick beats and finish on $237 for the night.My plan is to stick to the $11's until my I have 20 buy-ins for the $22's and if I run badly at the $22's I'll move back down to the $11's if my balance drops below $220.

My initial horrible run of luck last night actually made me smile because I was also replying to an "Is poker Rigged?" thread on a forum, obviously arguing that there is no way that it is.Players were writing about being able to call the next card when they are running badly.Even shoving KJ on the bubble and saying QQ out loud ( Nacho just raised an eyebrow) as the big blind time banked before calling with QQ isn't going to change my mind.People posting 3-4 bad beats in a row to prove it's rigged genuinely made me laugh as they obviously don't play enough poker or have enough experience to know just how sick a game poker can be.( breakeven 1000 game stretches being standard in Sngs etc)

The poll results on the thread so far are as follows: Votes/%

Yes, it's a reaming of the highest order. 70 46.36%
No, it's all fair and square. 32 21.19%
I dunno, maybe,maybe not. 37 24.50%
It's only rigged if you lose, kinda...... 12 7.95%

Taking into account that 90-95% of players lose online and nobody in the world actually admits they're a bad player, I'm not surprised at the result.I even joked about winning $40 from 25 games last night and how it would have been more if my doomswitch hadn't been activated ( with a wink smilie thing the size of an elephant at the end of my post) and that attracted more "doomswitch" stories from the fish.Still,if all these players keep losing and keep blaming the poker sites they probably won't be looking at their own games and will keep donating so it's not all bad!

I'm probably about 2-3 years behind the rest of the planet, ( what's new eh?!) but as I played I watched series 1 of The Fonejacker on cable tv and it was the funniest thing I've seen on the box for a long time.Prank phonecalls to real people.Here are two of my fav clips...

Not much else going on at the moment.I've been back at work on alternate half days for 3 weeks now and although my back hasn't hurt too badly,my side ( where the car hit the post) is sore and it feels like there's a small brick planted in there whenever I try to sleep on it.Hopefully getting out and about more will do it more good overall and it's just going to take a long time to heal properly.

Oh and I'm also less than two weeks from becoming an Uncle for the first time! I've been buying nappies for the arrival of the poop machine and our family now know for sure that it will be born by June 21st at the latest! I've always wanted kids of my own ( not given up entirely on that hope) and having a wee one in the family will be great.

I have still been keeping in touch with Step A ( an ex's 15 yr old I helped bring up for nearly 8 years)and I'm taking her for a Mc'ds on Monday evening.She said she has been knocked back for a hairdressing course at college and I've suggested she chases up the modern apprentice application form she filled out when I took her to one of the local hair salons recently.

Righty,today was defintely a tl;dr ( too long,didn't read) post! Thanks for reading my witterings.I'm taking a blogging break for a couple of weeks.Back in July....

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Friday, June 11, 2010

Bashing Donks

Despite my last post about taking chances, I have stepped down and played some $11 sngs on Party.I may end up cashing out on Stars and moving some $ to Party to allow me to play the $22's again without fear of busting.I've had to make a few adjustments as the play at the $11 level is truly awful.For example when continuation betting with a hand like AK on a flop like Q 8 3 ,I'll bet 2/3 to 3/4 of the pot to try and take it down to try and avoid donks calling all the way to the river with hands like 44.Bets are more of a blunt instrument at the $11's and you have to bash the donks over the head with those bets to get them to do what you want.

Away from the poker I'm glad the World Cup is finally underway.I'm proud to be Scottish + British and as I have half Scottish/half English cousins and plenty of English friends I'll obviously be cheering on...the USA and hoping Rangers Mo Edu has a good World Cup.Oh and I'll also be rooting for Honduras and France as I drew them in Amatay's rigged sweep on Raise the River!

Joking aside,what really pissed me off today was passing a "celtic" pub on the way to work ( a dirty republican slophouse) and noticing they have the flags of all the World Cup's competing nations hanging outside, except the flag of Englands St George.They've even been pathetic enough to cut the Union flag from the corners of the Aussie and New Zealand flags.Football rivalry is great, but that kind of petty behaviour truly makes me wonder about the mentality of some people.

Ok,thanks for reading.Back soon...

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Wednesday, June 09, 2010


With my Party roll sitting at only $90, it only took a few more beats and suckouts to go busto there.No disrespect to those who play the game for fun and don't care about winning, but I felt a bit grubby about having to dig into my herbal fund to deposit £80.( $112)

I only played three more $22's after that deposit and the good news is that I managed to win them all,cashed out $115 and now have just over 10 buy-ins ( $232) to play with.I don't usually get excited about winning sng's, but after my recent run I don't mind admitting I did the old fist pump and high-fived the dog after taking the last game down.

With just over 10 buy-ins I could easily bust again on Party playing $22's so watch this space! I do respect the players who grind out $5 sngs or cash games below $25 nl on a small bankroll, but I'd rather take a few chances and be able to play at a level where I can make meaningful profits.( even if that's only a few hundred $$ per month) Hopefully I can keep up the run good and build on that wee run.

That 3 in a row came late on Monday night and I decided to take a break from the tables yesterday to play more Call of Duty and read a book instead.This was of course during the breaks I took from answering the door to women lusting after my new Desperate Dan chin.Thankfully the magnesium sulphate seems to have helped and it looks like I can avoid a painful chin amputation!

Back soon...

Monday, June 07, 2010

Spot of Bother

I actually won just over $100 at the felt on Sat night!! Last night I began by running KK into AA at The Bloggerment.I've just checked and congrats to Weegem on making good use of my stack and taking it down.It was also good to see 14 runners this week.Thanks to all who played.

I'd noticed on Sat night that I seemed to have a wee spot growing on my chin.By the time I'd finished getting screwed over at the felt last night it had grown into an incredibly painful lump that seemed to be spreading down into my jaw.Without getting too gross there was no head on it and even using a sterilised needle only drew a little blood.Of course having had a wee smoke I went to bed convinced it would burst and melt my brain!I've run so badly recently that not waking up and having a death certificate stating the cause of death to be "Big zit on chin" seemed a real possibility!

It's still bloody sore today, but I bought some magnesium sulphate and have stuck a big plaster on it so hopefully that will do the job.

As promised last week here are the edited highlights of one of my favourite forum threads.

OP: Ok...bit of a touchy subject seeing as women do read these threads, however f*ck it. It's an issue........

Started going out with the Mrs 2yrs ago. She was size 8, and stunning. We have since moved in and got engaged. Over last few months she's started putting on weight with no real effort or care to do something about it. She's still stunning but now a size 10/12. This isn't a problem at the moment......

However........Looking to the future, I've always felt it important in a relationship to keep fit and in shape. Although I'll always love her, if she gets fat and minging I wont be physically attracted to her and if your not physically attracted to your partner then that can cause major issue's surely.

I know many years down the line when we're both rinkly faced coffin dodgers then physical attraction is in the eyes of the beholder and all that, but I would like to still think my Mrs is "hot" for as long as its possible to keep the body in good nick.

This IMO is a fair point and not out of order.

I keep my end of the bargain by keeping in shape.......big question is, should I say something now, say something's when/if she does get minging or just say **** all?????????

Cue the usual forums requests for pics.( or gtfo)

Some great replies:

She could be weak minded and not got the bottle to dump a sad sack like you so may just being going down the "letting herself go" route before getting pumped back into shape.I'm guessing she feels inadequately pumped.

Ride it aff her!

Cue the my boyfriends a duff ride and I'm comfort eating to make up for it thread.

Villain: I think I speak for the few on here who know who you are (although I wasn't the first to suss it out) when I say...... she isn't actually as good looking as you think she is and her putting on a bit of weight has actually done her some good.

OP:Well if you do know who I am....which I highly doubt.......Then I would say that she is a good looking as I think. IMO off course.And as stated throughout this thread....I have no probs with her weight just now..........i'm merely looking to the future and asking why alot of birds put on alot of weight once the move in and shit. I dont see any need????

Villain:Your first name begins with a P.And when you first turned up with her I thought she'd disappeared when she turned sideways.Just you be grateful for the recent appearance of tits.

OP:Ooooft am up shit creek now.....

Someone else chimes in:Care to retract the 'stunning' then?

OP: That I will stand by.....she is stunning. Am just shitting it cause I will be personally castrated if she finds out about this thread lol

Villain:I have screengrabs of both the 2 pages up until this post and WILL be printing them off and showing her.

OP:This is not good

Villain:On second thoughts...If you admit she isn't really that good looking (to be fair she's a 6 out of 10 when dolled up, maybe a 7 after five or six pints) and that you've actually done quite well for yourself in pulling her then I promise not to show her.

OP yesterday:

OP:F*ck off 6 out of 10............If you do know her then at least be honest here.
p.s your balls will be booted as well as mines if you show here this thread after that comment lol

Villain:My balls are safe P. Royal Mail is quite an anonymous service

OP:It's ok....I'm slowly but surely working out who you are.....That way I can find you. Care to eleborate in how you know me????? Might help me along.

Villain:By "slowly but surely" you mean you've looked at my profile page? Good luck P. And I shall elaborate no further other than to tell you that you weren't exactly the first to "conquer" her..

Couple of random contributions:

What's that noise?
It's the sound of the OP racking his brains trying to think who scuttled his porky burd before him.

Will we ever hear from him again?
Hope he's not dangling by his shoelaces as we type

OP:Nah......I've not quite reached that stage yet. I'll wait and see what pops through the mail in the next couple of days and there's a bloody good chance The Mrs will kill me first.Remind me never to post shit like this on this forum again.

Mod:OP has asked to be banned

Villain:Well since he's banned I may as well confess I was fully at the piss take with him.Let's just say that with a bit of internet digging,I took a chance on a first name that scored a direct hit.

Then I probably caught the biggest one I'll ever, ever land.

Job done.

The Villain later explained he just typed the OP's username into google - there is a post by him on Trip Advisor - and he signs it off using his real name...

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Tl;DR Run Bad Post

Too Long;Didn't Read is an acronym the forum kiddies use for any post over a paragraph long, but it will certainly apply to this post! Feel free to skip onto your next blog of choice as the only purpose of this post is relieve some of the poker frustration that's been building for months.Considering I only lost 3 buy-ins this is actually one of my better nights at the felt recently!

After losing the seven buy-ins at $22 I mentioned in my last post,I duly stepped down to the $11's and here's what happened.

Game One. 3rd place! Shoved AK,called by 68c.Board 2c 6d 7s 8d Ac

Game Two:10th place: All in preflop with KK v AK.Board Tc 4h Ts Ah 5s

Game Three:8th place:Raised QQ to 4bb over a limper.Limper calls with 6d10d and shoves on flop of 5d, 4s, Th.I snap call.Turn is 10c and the Ace on the river
doesn't help.

Game 4:6th place: I call a shove with 77 v a loose donkey.He shows Qc 6d.Board Tc 9h Qd 2s 8d

Game 5: 1st place.Wheeee.Perhaps I can build from here...

Game 6: 4th place:Shove A8 from the cut-off on the bubble.Button wakes up with me.

Game 7:10th place:Get it all in preflop with AK v KK.No miracle Ace for me.

Game 8:2nd place: Heads Up is always a bit of crapshoot so it was no surprise to see my A6 fall to J3 at the end.

Game 9: 6th place:Shove 1010 from the button.Big blind calls with QQ.

Game 10:5th place:With blinds at 200/400 I shoved Ad7d over a limper.He folds but another villain wakes up with AK and it's gg me.

Game 11:9th place:AK all in preflop v KJ.Board 9s Jh Jd 7s 9h

Game 12: 5th place:AK all in preflop v Qs9s.Board Ad 7s Qd 7h 9h Nice river...

Game 13:1st place.Wheeee!

Game 14:6th place:Shoved 1010.Called by AK and 55.Board 3h 9d Ah 2c 6s

Game 15:6th place:At 200/400 one fish limps.The small blind completes and I check in the big blind.Flop comes 4d, 9s, 4h .I lead out and I'm priced in to call a reraise from the small blind who has A4.

Game 16:5th place: At 200/400 I shove over a raise with JJ.Called by AQ.Board Qh 8c 9d 2h 5h

Game 17:5th place: JJ v 66 all in at 200/400.Surely this time! Board Qh 6d Qd Kc 9d

Game 18:1st place.Wheeeee

Game 19:7th place:I've been blinded down to 1400 and haven't played a hand.A fish limps and I shove from the button with 6c8c.Small blind wakes up with KK and although the limping fish folded as expected it's gg me.

Game 20:7th place:Screwed this one up.Easy fold.Shoved AJ from utg+1 for 10 big blinds.Button calls with me.

Not up to much this weekend.The sun is out so I'm about to take Nacho a long walk,organise dinner and then play some MW2 and poker.

I've also ordered "Falling Down" from Amazon for my Dad who hasn't seen it.This is my favourite scene from that classic movie.

Friday, June 04, 2010

More Run Bad Zzzzzzzzzzz

I'm beginning to wonder if I've reached the end of the line when it comes to online poker.Since my last post I've only played seven $22's on Party ( no cashes) and each sickening exit hand reduces my urge to play even further.Party email me every hand history and I've been through them all to make sure I'm not deluding myself about just how badly I seem to be running just now.The good news is that it's clear that I am being screwed over on a regular basis and don't seem to be missing too many push/fold spots.The bad news is that with my roll on life support I'll have to move down at Party if I want to avoid having to make my first deposit for years.With over $500 still on Stars I'll probably be playing there more often from now on.

Away from the poker I was on another internet date last week.Beforehand I was quite hopeful as my date and I seemed to have a lot in common.We were both from the same part of town and liked the same type of films,books and music.She also loves Family Guy,has a dog and when she called my mobile we to chatted with ease for an hour or so.Sadly when we met up for lunch there was simply no chemistry or spark at all and although I think she moved in for a quick kiss as we parted, I managed to mutter something about having a lovely time before making a sharp exit!

When I think back to past relationships I probably wouldn't have chosen any of my previous partners if I'd read their "profile".Perhaps I should stick to the opposites attract theory in future!

Righty,time to walk Nacho and treat myself to a steak at a new restaurant just down the road from me.

Back soon...

Wednesday, June 02, 2010


I began my bankroll rebuilding by winning just under 3 buy-ins on Monday night at the $22's.Hopefully I can kick on from there without having to drop down to the $11's.I took a break from the felt last night and kicked some ass on Modern Warfare 2 instead.

Not much else going on this week so I thought I'd pass on a fine tale I read recently on a football forum.I'll post some stuff from a classic thread on the same forum later in the week.Enjoy!

I was in Oz about 5-6 years ago doing some labour work for a couple of days. Meet this guy Matt from Leeds. Great lad, dirty ****er tho!

Anyway, one friday after work we head to the pub. After an hour or so, I see Matt talking to this minging, pint glassed 40+ year old.......with no legs.I started laughing right there and then and thought "Naw, not even he can be that depraved"

Anyway they are chatting away and the chat turns to sex and the lassie says;
"I've not been ****ed in 5 years".Straight away Matt says: "What? Oh I'll f**k you".So he picks her up and carries her out to to a taxi.

He claims it was one of the best nights of sex he's had APART from when he went down on her and he said (his words) "the little stumps she has for legs kept tickling my ears when I was eating her out".

He also said she went on top and he was spinning her round and the finale is he picked her up and put a coat hanger in her top and shagged her from behind in the cupboard standing up while she...well... hung there...

So he tells me this the next day at work and I literally pissed myself. All day I kept collapsing in fits each time I looked at him so eventually the gaffer says "what you ****ing laughing about?"

I told him that matt took a no legged minger back and shagged her.

Gaffer:" Ahh f**k mate, I shagged her 2 weeks ago"

Apparently this lass sits in the pub saying she hasnae been ****ed in 5 years and guys take her home and bang her.

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