Britbloggerment 15:Sun 9pm.Pass:Donkament
First up,thanks again to all who commented on my last post or contacted me.
On Sunday night I didn't see me ever posting again here and I wrote Mondays words with tears in my eyes.I've been off work and will probably remain off all week.Mrs A and Step A are off to Millport for a week this Sat, so Nacho and I will have the place to ourselves.
It's not all doom and gloom though.It struck me that what is making me most upset is the thought of not being here day to day for Step A and my dog.Hearing the wee one tell me to "chop chop" ( hurry up) in the morning, helping her with her homework,insisting she loves Johnny Cash as I play it during the run to school,watching her happy with her friends etc are just some of the things I'm going to miss terribly.I'm also going to miss Nacho bigtime and seeing him on a Wed night and for one weekend night just doesn't seem enough.
I will still get to see Step A and Nacho though.Mrs A and I have been getting on far better since Sunday night.I don't know if it's forced niceness on her behalf or just her relief at knowing I'll be gone in Sept, but if we can stay friends then it surely means I'll get to see more of Step A and my boy ( Nacho) and I don't need to mourn like I'm losing them forever.( which is how I've felt this week)
If I'm honest my feelings are still very much up and down at the moment.Maybe knowing I have almost 2 1/2 months left to enjoy the summer with Step A is what's keeping me going.I've had kind offers from Mother Acorn and my sister to stay in their spare rooms if I want but I feel I want to make the most of the time I have with Step A and Nacho and will only move if things turn sour/nasty between Mrs A and I.
I only played a $1.40 sng the other night as I didn't trust myself to play any higher.I still can't bear to think of telling Step A I'll be leaving as I feel so close to her, but we have decided to leave telling her I'm going until nearer the time.Perhaps it's a reflection on the state of my relationship with Mrs A,that the wee one probably won't notice much difference over the next 2 months.I suppose time will tell on that one.
Maybe I'm kidding myself on re my feelings for Mrs A too and it's just my anger at being given the cold shoulder over the last month or so that's numbed me.Again time will tell I suppose.
I'm still in two minds over my next move.I could go back to my flat in Sept and only have a fairly low mortgage to pay.The flat isn't in the greatest area of East Kilbride but I never had much hassle before and was there for nearly 10 years.I'm just not sure if going there will feel like being back home or like a huge backwards step.( thanks to Miasdad for the reassuring comment on that btw)
If I did move back to my flat then I would really need to spend some ££ doing the place up as I've owned it for nearly 14 years without doing much to it.Doing that in itself may be enough to make it feel like a new pad.
I do have ( or will have) enough money ( without touching my poker roll!)in Sept to rent somewhere in a better area than my flat.I've seen a 2 bedroom semi in a lovely area not too far away which would cost me about £1800 on top of my mortgage over a years rent.I could afford it for a year, and moving somewhere totally new for a fresh start seems very tempting.If I move back to my flat though, that £1800 can be invested in somewhere I own, and besides if I really want out when I go back, then I can sell it and buy a new place elsewhere.
Ok,back to being a poker blog. Don't forget to register for this Sundays Britbloggerment mtt at 'Stars.( under Private tourneys).Password is donkament and it starts at 9pm bst ( or 4pm est in Stars lobby)and only costs $5.50.All welcome and it should be easier this week as my fellow Joint Supreme Overlord ( we don't take our roles in this too seriously!) is actually playing live in Scotlands 2nd city this weekend and I'll probably still be an emotional trainwreck!
The Bloggerment is open to all bloggers and readers.Hope to see you there....