Old School:1988 revisited.Apr-Dec

After last night I'm now down $177 from playing at Laddies and Pokerroom this week and up $211 at Party.I'm also down $45 at Stars, which leaves me down $11 for the week, excluding my success at Bet 365 with my take a shot mini roll.All very boring stuff so here's one I made earlier....nearly 20 years earlier,when I used to keep a diary...



April 9th: Went to party and got very drunk.I remember dancing and being very loud and also quoting Shakespeare and being very sick before bedtime.

May 19th: S-man came round after breakfast.I still can't find his Def Leppard tape and he doesn't stop going on about it.

June 1st: Went to the shops with s-man and bought him a new Def Leppard tape.It cost $6.70 but s-man is a cunning little shit and swapped the price label it so I only paid £5.49.

June 2nd: Had a careers interview and a big computer print out suggested :Social worker,teacher,Public relations,sales rep or copywriter.

June 3rd: Once again I'm wearing a shirt I ironed myself.I hope my wife will be good at ironing because judging by the creases ,she'll have to be!

June 18th: Wimbledon starts soon.I want McEnroe to win and reckon Navaratalova will win the Womens, though I want Gabriela Sabatini to win.

June 20th: In English we had to do an optimistic composition on our future.I quoted Lord Pritchard in the first line of mine.Unfortunately Lord Pritchard doesn't exist but how is the teacher to know that!

July 2nd:Went to Italy with the school.

July 3rd:We went on a grotty bus full of smelly Italians to the vatican.Plenty of amazing pictures on the ceiling and we heard the pope talk in Italian to his people at 12pm.We could hardly see him he was so far away and I reckon it was probably his Spitting Image puppet.

July 6th: We got a bus to Pompei.It was covered in ash in Roman times.We saw the toilets,plaster casts but most importantly we saw the brothel!

July 9th: Arrived home.Three words sum up the holiday.Delays,stairs and Sun.

July 16th: My tapes now include "Graceland","Tracy Chapman","Best of OMD","Best of Billy Idol","Tubular Bells","Brothers in arms","Like a Virgin","True Blue","Best of The Police","It's a kind of magic" and "Revenge" by Eurythmics..

Aug 22nd: Still doing Romeo and Juliet in English.Just think,if Shakespeares great grandad hadn't met his great grandma ,Willy may never have been born and we wouldn't have to read his pathetic crap writings!What a shame that wouldn't be.

Aug23rd:I had a babysitting ad up on the board at Asda and P ( friend at time) copied my idea so....my sister called him,pretending to be Mrs Lauderdale and offered him twice the going rate.She told him he'd have to change nappies and she didn't want the house smelling of fish and chips ( P works in a chip shop).While she put on this fake voice I listened in as she said she'd called me first and got P to slag me off and say how untrustworthy I am.We're all going to tell him on Friday he was set up and he's a dickhead.

Aug 26th:First period was English and although Miss McPhail is quite strict I had planned on having a bit of kip ( sleep) but Big Slever has left school and he read the part of Romeo.Miss Mcphail spent several seconds looking round the room before picking me to take over.Romeo says far too much and I wish he would just hurry up and die.

August 27th: Rangers 5 Celt*c 1. What's the time? 5 past Ian Andrews.hahaha

Sept 5th:I'm now seriously considering going to live abroad.I'm tired of school,Scotland,pressure to do this and that and as America is the land of opportunity I'd love to go there.I'm a bit skint just now though so it would need to be an extremely cheap flight.( less than £7.50!).I'd also have to persuade W to come with me of course!

Sept 8th: First period was Maths.I started a letter to W with "I'm in greasy Cowels class" and greasy Cowel found it.I hope she doesn't do anything about it.

Sept 9th: Lecture from Maths head of dept about the letter.I noticed he never disputed the contents.hahaha

Oct 5th:When I got to school I didn't bother with classes, gambled 20p a game at pontoons and came out slightly up.

Oct7th:Q:What's the difference between Ian Andrews ( celt*c goalkeeper) and Cinderella? A: Cinderella got to the ball....

Oct17th: Playing cards on holiday with my sister.We played lots of games and though she won one game,I do the dealing and always give myself and Ace or two and won most of the rest .hahaha

Nov 2nd:Another average day.I didn't win the pools,meet Patsy Kensit or do any studying.I did go into the bakers and asked the girl how much it was for a bit of crumpet.The woman laughed and said I wouldn't know what to with it.hahaha

What do you call a bear with no parents?
Rupert the bastard

What's grey and comes in pints?
An elephant.

Dec 7th: Orwell wrote about 1984.Here's my predictions for 2014.

Records will cease to exist and compact discs will be extra cheap.People will have hovercraft type shoes and not have to walk anywhere.A single currency will be introduced in Europe.It will be called "the bastard" and anyone who has B100000 will be a rich bastard!Due to no ozone layer the UK will be hotter and have earthquakes and Levi 501's will still be trendy.Cliff Richard will have the Xmas number 1 and Slade will be number 2 with Merry Xmas Everybody.Telephones with pictures will be available and in Neighbours Mrs Mangle will be shot and the world will wonder "who shot Mrs M?".

Dec 10th:I took 2 cuttings from plants round the house and I'm going to try and sell them round the doors next week.I just hope nobody checks to see if they have roots!