I've never been as pissed off with poker as I feel just now.I open a table,I get shafted.I start again the next night with a postive outlook and get shafted again.I bubbled four times in 16 games ( all 18 player $16 turbos) last night and I'm beginning to hate the game I once loved.Perhaps I'm just being mentally weak about it but I think I've just about had enough of dealing with it all.I've been running like I did in my recent bad beat post for over 500 games now and there doesn't seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel.
I've tried everything from cutting down the number of tables I'm playing to taking breaks for a few days and it's not working.Hand histories have been looked at,more training vids have been watched and I've even tried to make sure I'm getting more sleep and not playing like a tired zombie.
I take my hat off to the sng pro grinder kiddies who can play through thousand game downswing/breakeven runs without breaking sweat.I suppose I am playing through it too but if I'm only playing a few hundred games per month I seriously doubt I'll keep playing if I have to go through this crap every night for any more months.
I usually don't cash out too often and when I do it's to pay off bigger bills/loans etc.I've got my Rangers season ticket renewal,car insurance/mot service and a holiday to pay for over the next few months and I've been saving the money I used to put aside for the car loan I paid off in Jan with poker winnings.
Maybe I should use my current roll to pay for some of those upcoming cash eaters and have more of my wages to myself every month or perhaps I should be happy with a $4k roll and simply cash out anything above that each month.I need to do something to remind myself why I put myself through the current poker pain I'm going through.Withdrawing the whole damn lot before the variance Gods take it has also crossed my mind, but despite the relentless nature of this downswing,I need to keep the faith that it will end.I've always been more into logic than faith and can't help feeling that logic says if I keep running like this my roll will dwindle to nothing.
Anyways I'm sure I'll get back on track eventually and you're as bored reading about my poker troubles as I am writing about them.I'm also starting to feel I'm repeating myself a bit here and not coming up with much that's new.End of the line? I don't know.
Back in a week or two or when my poker mojo returns...