Life Timebank Required
Whupped Two Pies at pool last night before coming home and breaking even over a few $22's.Thanks to Rich for the comment left on my last post.More poker stuff soon..
I started work at 8am today and was asleep reasonably early last night before being woken up by a phone call from the lady I'm seeing at the moment.She was in tears and talking about how she's falling for me ( wait till she gets to know me eh!) but wants me to finish it with her as she can't give me kids and she knows I'd like to be a Dad one day.Ahhhh jeeeez!
I do really like her but I've probably been too quick to jump in heart first previously ( been hurt as a reward) and this time I'm taking things far more slowly in my head.Things certainly seemed far easier in my 20's when there was far less baggage and stuff to complicate matters.I'm still not sure even nearly 2 years after splitting with the ex Mrs A if we were simply in a rut and had drifted apart or if deep down I was unhappy because I knew if I stayed with her I would never have kids of my own.At the time I felt it was the former reason and that I'd accepted that Step A would be the kid in my life, but now I'm not so sure.
Even on the kids issue, as much I've always reckoned that's why we're here on this planet, I do appreciate and enjoy the lifestyle I currently lead and perhaps continuing as things are would not be the end of the world.I don't want this lady to think I'm stringing her along, but at the same time I feel like I need far longer than a month or so to decide how committed I want to be.I've never really gone into a relationship before without thinking ( probably naively) that this could be "the one" but when she first told me about not being able to have kids I was happy to tell myself to take things easy for once and replied that we should just enjoy each others company,have a laugh etc ( we all need a bit of etc!) and see where it takes us.
I had hoped writing a post may help clear things up in my head a bit as I'm just so dang indecisive sometimes when it comes to important stuff.She does make me happy and we do seem to click, but if she's says she's nuts about me and I can't say the same at the moment then maybe it's best to let go.I don't know if I'm holding back because I feel like we're still getting to know each other,the kids issue is bothering me,I just don't want to get hurt again or simply because having her telling me about her strong feelings is just a touch overpowering and could lead to the "c" word.( that's commitment not clitoris!)
Anyway neither of us seemed to want to say goodbye for the last time just yet...so we finished today's texts with me agreeing to give her a call to talk things over tomorrow.To borrow a poker analogy I feel like I need an extended timebank for this one...