I nearly didn't play the Bloggerment tourney last night as Mrs A ( Ex Mrs A)and I had a last fruitless talk about us, and I was left staring into space for a couple of hours before the game started.
I am ok though I think, despite the continued lack of sleep.Too much time on the laptop is one of the main reasons for splitting and though I feel like I've been a crappy unattentive partner at times,I also feel there are probably deeper underlying reasons for this.
It's perhaps selfish to feel rejected after a year in which Mrs A's Mum died and she started the menopause but I reckon that was part of it.The closeness we once shared seemed to evaporate and that in turn led to me escaping more into the net and poker.
I hope she feels I tried my best to support her through last year but we've never been the greatest people for talking about feelings etc and I can understand her wanting to deal with such a devastating blow on her own to some extent.
Perhaps too, never being able to have kids of my own with her affected my feelings, although I'd kind of got used to that idea and had been making the most of being the best Dad possible to Step A.
Whatever the reasons there's no going back and my sisters advice to take care of the practicalities and the emotional side will take care of itself seems good.I've called my letting agency and given 2 months notice to my tennant.I'm still unsure if I'll stay there long before selling up and seeking somewhere I can make a proper fresh start.I'll see how I feel once I'm there.
I really don't intend turning this space into a depressing blog on a relationship split.I suppose it just helps sometimes to write things down for clarity.
To the poker and I amazed myself by not donking out first and managing 3rd place in the Britbloggerment game.
I only really remember a few hands.My JJ held up against Juices AQ shove and I went out when I picked up the Nolan sisters ( QQ),raised preflop,hit trips Queens and lost to a runner runner flush.No complaints though.Good game and good banter.Congrats to Cell19 on winning and to Hammerheid for making it such a good heads up battle.Also good to see a couple of new faces ( well avatars!) too.Well played to Mair38 and the aforementioned Hammerheid for making the final table on your debuts.
Ok,thanks for reading....