Amsterdam:Trip Report

I'm still on a blogging break until I go back to work ( off next week too) but thought I'd throw together a wee 'Dam trip report before my last two remaining brain cells give up completely.

My cousin Two Pies made it round to my place in time for our taxi to the airport on Monday morning.My mum had texted me a message asking us to "be careful" and my sis ( who refers to these breaks as "Dumb and Dumber on tour") texted aswell to wish us a good trip.As if two mature men in their 20's and 30's couldn't go abroad for a few days without incident....

Our flight was on time and when we arrived at Schipol we quickly made it through passport control and into the baggage collection area where Two Pies bag came through first and I was made to sweat as the same three bags trundled round the conveyor belt with mine seemingly nowhere in sight.Thankfully just as I was about to give up and report it missing,my holdall miraculously appeared on the belt.

We checked in to the Multatuli hotel and headed straight out to the Rokerij 2 coffee shop to begin our herbal odyssey.Back in '07 Two Pies managed to create his own pavement pizza after his first smoke, but this time around he was older,wiser,not mixing beer with his herbs and I didn't anticipate a repeat performance....

As we were about halfway through joint number two, Two Pies said he was feeling a little hot and was going to pop outside for a moment.After asking if he was ok and being assured he was fine I sat back with my joint and chilled out.The barman walked passed a minute later and enquired if the boy outside was my friend.I began to explain that Two Pies was in fact my wee cousin when he interupted with the words" he fell over".It took my slightly addled brain a minute to process this information and come to the conclusion that any falling over of Two Pies wasn't very mellow and required my immediate presence.I moved outside to be confronted with a very pale looking cousin who had eyeballs like pin holes and sweat dripping off him.Goot start!

That first night we made our way down the the Red Light district and after a look around I decided ( being the fine upstanding moral member of society that I am)to have a smoke and drink at Ye Old Church Coffee shop and wait for Two Pies who was going to meet me there when he was ready.I got chatting to the girl running the bar and soon 45 mins had slipped quickly by.After an hour I was getting a little worried and after 1hr 1/2 I was pacing around the place looking for the dopey twat.Should I report him missing? Should I spark another and tell myself that 26yr old men don't go missing and that he'll turn up? I decided to head back the hotel and when I arrived back at the room....he wasn't there.I sunk to my knees and as I tried to force my cloudy brain to come up with a plan, Mr Pies showed up.He'd got lost trying to find his way back to me and only found the hotel by asking for Central Station and making his way from there.

On Tuesday we headed out about 3pm,ate breakfast and played pool until late in the evening when we headed back the room with more baggies ( 1-.1.5gram bags of the Dam's finest)and some philosphers stones magic mushrooms.They were real mushrooms back in '07 but the law has been tightened and they were slightly weaker "truffles" this time round.Not quite as giggly or as trippy as last time but enjoyable all the same.About an hour after taking them and just as they were kicking in I decided I fancied a game of poker.I'd brought the laptop and already paid for wireless so I fired up Stars and a couple of $6.50 games as I could barely focus.I crashed out of one and took down another ( 18 player turb) which made me giggle a little more.

The next day we headed out for another late breakfast at around 5pm and I could still feel the effects from the truffles.Why else would there be a small wisp of smoke coming from the menu and slowly swirling round in front of my bloodshot eyes? Perhaps I wasn't still tripping and the smoke was due to the lit candle I'd chosen to rest the menu on....( the front of it had bubbled but didn't catch fire)

We headed back to Ye Old Church where the bar girl played "Don't Leave me This Way " by The Communards in tribute to Two Pies vanishing act.Conversation was struck up with a couple of young Belfast lads who had just arrived for the first Dam trip.After they headed off I was joking with Two Pies that we'd forgotten to fill them in on the golden rules if you ain't been before.1)Don't mix weed and alcohol 2)Set a meeting place and times if you split up 3)Keep it subtle when rolling with tobacco in coffee shops as baccy is now illegal to use 4) Don't be in the Red Light District after about 11pm as that's when it starts to get very shady 5)Keep your money safe and don't get into chats with the guys who whisper about cocaine and ecstasy on the streets.

Not much else to report really.Two Pies tried a space cake and it knocked him off his feet for a about six hours ( leaving me free to smoke the baggies!) I also enjoyed teasing the s-man by emailing him as he worked to remind him of just how dang good the Dam is!

Ok,thanks for reading.I'm off to take Step A to her Dads and pick Nacho up.Next post will probably be in July....