Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Monthly/half yearly Stats

I did feel better for writing all that stuff down yesterday.Chatting to Rosie and later the terrible twins soon snapped me out of my dark mood.

I watched the Man Utd v Barcelona game and only played a couple of games of poker later,coming 2nd in a $16 and winning a $6 turbo.I was tempted by another sng at midnight but contented myself with watching a cardrunners video and getting to bed at a semi reasonable hour.The new fixed shifts at work are no fun at all.I'm a night owl,not a morning person and somehow I have to get my backside into work for 8am every Thursday and Friday from now on.I also have Nacho tonight which means an even earlier start!

Just back from dinner at my Mum and Dads and after the Chelsea v Liverpool game I've sandwiches to make and Nacho to walk.

On the poker front I've only played 155 turbs at Stars this month compared to about 240 last month.I've run at a fine 44% roi over that tiny sample size and made $695.

Overall my next aim is still to get my overall sng profit figure at Pokerstars over the $7k mark.

Here are my updated monthly stats...

Pokerstars $5618 ( + $643) ,Full Tilt $784 ( + $66), Party $ 1712 ( - $44),Ladbrokes $693 ( + $140) ,Bet 365 $570 ( - $88) ,Pokerroom $36 ( =). Total $9413. ( + $717 since April 1st).

I began playing for real money back on Oct 31st 2005 and I count my years figures as starting on Oct 31st every year.In the first 6 months of this poker year ( since Oct 31st '07) I've made $5589.**This is more than last years total profit figure and after three fairly static years of making about $4k ,I feel like I've finally found my poker calling at the two table $16 turbos.So much for the old cash for dough,tourneys for show adage!

** Recalculated on 5/5/08 as I realised I can't add up properly!

My bankroll is bigger than it's ever been although I will be making a decent sized withdrawl to pay for things previously mentioned.( season ticket,holiday,car service etc).

Righty,tomorrow is Rangers biggest game in years against Fiorentena in the Uefa Cup semi-final.My nerves are feeling shredded already! It's going to be one hell of a tough task to win or get the scoring draw required to take us to the final.I just hope the team can dig deep and somehow do enough to make the Manchester final.If they do I'll follow follow them there...

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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Highs n lows

I'm not really in the mood for a blog post.After spending time with Rosie,poker and writing up my every thought on the game just don't seem very appealing.I'd written about how I only had 2 games left to complete a set of 20 and how I was hoping to get onto the Stars Planet Earth leaderboard.In the end ( despite Rosie sleepily asking how my game was going at 3am late Fri night when I didn't even have the laptop on!) I didn't play those last two games.

Sunday morning and Rosie leaving came around far too quickly as usual.Usually I don't sleep much the night before big football games due to prematch nerves.This time I hardly gave the game a thought. I just hope Rosie can book up again soon and that the weeks will fly in!

The Old Firm game could have gone better.My cousin and I were 5 minutes late into the ground ( queued alongside Newcastle player,Alan Smith) and missed celtcs first goal which apparently the replays show was offside.We came back to lead 2-1 but the orcs won 3-2 in the end to leave them 5 points ahead of us.We still have 3 games in hand ( 3 points for a win) however and I'd rather be in our position than theirs.Our biggest match of the week is on Thursday night and with the players we have out injured,it's going to be tough to get a result in Florence and make the Uefa cup final in Manchester on May 14th.

Today I arrived into work to find the girl who sits next to me in tears due to the sheer pressure of her current workload.My own work is piling up too and although it's only work,that horrible feeling of having too many balls to juggle and not enough time to juggle 'em is creeping over me too and I don't like it!

My mobile phone battery was dead all day,I spent 50 minutes trying to find the parcel depot to pick up my new laptop keyboard,the frozen Yorkie pud I'd taken out of the freezer and put in the fridge this morning was still half frozen when I got home,the woman who barged in front of me at the ATM had her card in and out three times ( by third time my head was close to exploding!) and finally the King prawn chow mein I've just eaten was the most bland and disgusting meal I've eaten in a long time.That apart,it's been a fine day...

Not much to report on the poker front.I'm feeling totally exhausted this week as well as being on a downer and that combination does not make for good poker.Thankfully I've been sensible enough not to play much although I will do a quick end of month stats post tomorrow.

Oh, I did play in Sundays BritBloggerment and thanks to everyone else who played too.I came 7th after running QQ into KK preflop.Congrats to WeeGem who took it down.

Ok,I've tried gripping the steering wheel and just yelling as loudly as possible.Now I'm off to cheer myself up by whistling this .....

..and watching John Flecks fine goals in last weeks 3-1 Youth Cup final win v them...

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Friday, April 25, 2008

Creeping Up...

Rangers managed a 0-0 draw with Fiorentina last night at Ibrox in our semi-final first leg.We always seem to manage to score in our away games and the dream of making the Manchester final lives on! I've already booked a day off just in case ( easily cancelled if we don't make it) and would travel down even if I don't get a ticket.( if only Manchester was near Bristol!)

I've been looking forward to this weekend for weeks and I'm really excited about seeing Rosie again.We may hit the Tron Theatre on Sat night to see "The Wasp Factory"... or we may not! Just looking forward to a nice chilled out weekend.Chilled until Sunday lunchtime that is, when my cousin and I will be at the Piggery in the east end for the last Old Firm game of the season against them.

The league should have been over last weekend when Aberdeen equalised in injury time against them but the ref wrongly ( and has apologised since) ruled Aberdeens goal out for a handball which never happened.It's just aswell us Rangers fans accept mistakes happen and don't believe in daft conspiracies whenever a decision goes against us, unlike our paranoid deluded rivals.

On the poker front I'm quite pleased to have crept up to 11th on Sharkscopes average profit,any game, 2-3 table $5-$15 leaderboard.

I've 3 games left to play of my mission to get on the Planet leaderboard and have 371points.Finished work early today and I'm about to give Step A a lift to her Dads for the weekend before it's time for dinner and a trip to the airport!

Have a good one...

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Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Middle way

I messed around at a couple of $6 sngs last night ( 4th in one for a whopping $3 profit).Later I also played a couple of $16's and came fourth and first.Just before bed I hit up a $200 nl 6 max table on Ladbrokes and won a quick $35.

I now have a mini-mission! I have 152 points from 5 games on Stars $16 "Earth" leaderboard and I want to try and hit the 20 game mark before Rosie arrives on Friday night! Tonight the flat needs cleaned,washings need done and I'll be looking after my boy.Tomorrow night I'll be out at the Rangers game until after 10pm so I need to get a move on and start hitting the tables!

I posted a Sharkscope screenshot the other week which showed I was sitting 17th on the average profit board for the 2-3 table,$6-$15 games I play in.Although I now have enough faith in my turbo game not to be scared of any player at my level,I do believe I have an edge over most simply due to the low quality of most players and the smaller number of tables I play simultaneously.

I may not make as much profit overall as the high volume multi-tabling pro's but for the most part any superior skills these pros have is nullified to some extent by the number of tables they are playing.

I've said before I don't know ICM ( Independent Chip Modelling) inside out by any means but reckon I'm not bad at assigning pushing/calling ranges and more importantly playing a maximum of 3-4 tables means it's easier to work out which of my opponents are using it and who isn't.I feel that is vital to cashing/winning in these turbo's.

Maybe I'm wrongly using my own lack of ability to play a ton of tables as a benchmark but no matter how young and sharp,I can't see how anyone can play a load of tables without missing out on some of the reads and subtleties of the individual game and this is where I can gain enough of an edge to keep me ahead versus these guys.When taken with the far bigger edge I have against the fish ,I wonder if playing 2-3 tables at once can be almost as profitable as multi-tabling.( 6-12 tables etc)

Of course many of the players in these games are so terribly bad that any vaguely solid strategy is going to be profitable even when multi-tabling.( which is probably what most $16/$27 pros rely on)

I just feel there's a niche for reasonably solid players who only play 2-3 tables to take advantage of the fish and the the multi-tabling sharks.

Ok,posts will be sparse until after the weekend! Thanks for reading.To the washing machine...

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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Tues update

Although I don't usually post on a Tuesday I thought I'd clarify a couple of things and maybe even squeeze in some poker too!

On rereading my words on the situation with Step A I felt I was being a bit unfair on the ex.I wrote that her remark about how I'd given Step A money and therefore the wee one should have brought me a gift ( from her Holiday last week) was weak.It was weak as it had nothing to do with money but to be fair the ex ,we still get on well and she was trying to stick up for me in what was probably a tricky situation for her.

I've also have no intention of issuing any kind of dramatic ultimatums to the wee one and I hope it didn't come across that way.Even if she doesn't want me to babysit when her Mum is working, she'll know that if she needs me for anything,anytime then I'll be there.The ex says the wee one has been quite clingy towards her since she got back from her hols and I think she just wants to spend more time with her Mum.Hopefully normal service will resume soon!

Ok ,to the poker and I only played a couple of wee $6 games with Juice last night.In the first one a donk raised,I shoved with QQ,he insta-called with A3 and the 3 on the flop and another on the turn sealed my fate.Juice didn't have much luck either as Riverstars lived up to its name!

The standard of play was so poor it was almost like play money.I made a daft mistake right on the bubble and only made the money due to there being an even bigger donkey at the table than me ! With 5 left ( 18 player,top 4 pay) it was folded to me on the button.I had Jh4h, was 2nd shortest stack and reckoned if I shoved the very short big blind would call and my Jh4h would do ok against his random hand.I hadn't bargained on the tight small blind calling with 55.If the big blind had folded his 83 ( with 200 chips left) he would have made the money.He didn't ,55 won and I scraped 4th.( due me having a slightly larger stack than the bb at start of the hand)

The only other hand of any interest was the one below because I usually only limp occasionally early on in sngs and almost never when there are antes in play and the blinds are getting higher.

PokerStars Game #16899996766: Tournament #85622019, $6.00+$0.50 Hold'em No Limit - Level VII (100/200) - 2008/04/21 - 19:33:20 (ET)
Table '85622019 2' 9-max Seat #1 is the button
Seat 1: zagga (1955 in chips)
Seat 2: mistyq (2620 in chips)
Seat 3: bonesditch (5220 in chips)
Seat 4: khairome (3084 in chips)
Seat 5: solshine (1915 in chips)
Seat 6: kage1526 (5132 in chips)
Seat 7: jkr1 (1871 in chips)
Seat 8: Kingpin55 (2902 in chips)
Seat 9: ADHD_kiddo99 (2301 in chips)
zagga: posts the ante 25
mistyq: posts the ante 25
bonesditch: posts the ante 25
khairome: posts the ante 25
solshine: posts the ante 25
kage1526: posts the ante 25
jkr1: posts the ante 25
Kingpin55: posts the ante 25
ADHD_kiddo99: posts the ante 25
mistyq: posts small blind 100
bonesditch: posts big blind 200
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to zagga [9s Ts] >> Nice hand on the button but I have chips and don't need to shove 10 high just yet to accumulate.

khairome: calls 200
solshine: folds
kage1526: folds
jkr1: folds
Kingpin55: folds
ADHD_kiddo99: folds

zagga: calls 200 >> Calling for 200 here with position wont make a huge difference to my stack.I expect my next bet to be a shove and again shoving 1955 or 1755 didn't seem significant.Misty had also been tight in the small blind and I didn't think he'd make a squeeze bet very often.

mistyq: folds
bonesditch: checks
*** FLOP *** [2s 7c 9d] >> Flopped top pair on a reasonably dry board.

bonesditch: bets 600 >> After checking his big blind preflop he now leads out for 600.It looks like a steal to me and as he's in the big blind even if he has hit the nine he could have any kicker and I don't feel even a hand like K9 could stand a lot of heat here.

khairome: folds >> Glad the other limper folded.

zagga: raises 1130 to 1730 and is all-in >> Bearing in mind I'd limped on the button for the first time in the game,I think it's possible to get the big blind ( bonesditch) to think I've slow played an overpair or that I'm playing either a 9 with a higher kicker than him or possibly even have a set.( though less likely)

bonesditch: folds >> Phew!

zagga collected 2125 from pot >> sweet!
zagga: doesn't show hand
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 2125 | Rake 0
Board [2s 7c 9d]
Seat 1: zagga (button) collected (2125)

Just back from Glasgows fine Alea Casino .Time for food and football...

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Monday, April 21, 2008

$6k Sng profit reached....

After my recent battering at the $16's I moved back down to $6 turbos to get my mo-jo back and managed to scrape 243rd place on the Stars planet leaderboard with a 382 score and a profit of about $130 for the evening.I also won a quick $70 at a Laddies cash table just before watching Joe Calzaghe beat Hopkins and going to bed.

Yesterday I was at Hampden to watch Rangers win on penalties to get through to the Scottish Cup final after a poor performance.The manager had rested a few players and I can only hope they lift their performance levels for the big game against Fiorentina this Thursday.

After an early morning message from my Mum ,I also filled up my petrol tank as talk of a new fuel strike grows.I'm glad I did because the queues were getting long tonight!

Later last night it was a bit disappointing that only eleven turned out for the Britbloggerment game on Stars.Perhaps it was just a blip.I certainly hope to see Wee Gem,BM,Dudley,Tan,Stephenhall,Matty,Rob,Mauzj,Cloud,Al Eleven,Kronsdat,Amatay,Sir Al,lisam8319 and co back for future games!Those names are just off the top of my head,no offence to anyone I've missed.I did starting adding links but it was taking forever...

Congrats to Cell 1919 who took it down after one of the longest bubbles at $5 level I think I've ever played.Thankfully for once poker justice was done and it was the fish with no class,celtcriver,who swam back to his fishbowl empty gilled in fourth.Frankly I'd be happier if he stayed in his bowl and didn't play the Bloggerment again as neither his play nor his chat added anything to the game.(and that genuinely has nothing to do with the fact we support rival football teams)

After the Bloggerment I fired up a few $16's and managed a win and a 3rd place from my five games.The 3rd place finish was my own fault as I had a decent lead over the shortstack when I shoved Q10c into the bigstack.My thinking was that although the Maths/ICM would probably say it was a dumb move,the chipleader would "know" that I wouldn't be shoving into him unless I was very strong and would only call if he had a premium hand himself.He'd also been quite tight and had shown he was capable of folding but he called with A10,my Q10 didn't improve and I was left cursing myself for my own stupidity!

I did register for Uncle Chucks 420 tokers game on Full Tilt last night at 2am although it was on too late for me to actually play in it.I did find it funny that the banner for that game mentioned requiring rebuys as it was a weed smokers game.I think I'd need additional rebuys if I didn't smoke and play!

I've a busy week ahead.I'm off to the Alea casino ( non poker!) tomorrow night,possibly babysitting on Wed,semi-final of Uefa cup at Ibrox on Thursday and best of all,Rosie arrives on Friday to stay until Sunday.After Rosie's flight back on Sunday it's Rangers v celtc again from the Piggery and this time my cousin and I have tickets.

I mentioned possibly babysitting as I'm not sure where things stand with Step A.I usually look after her on Wednesdays nights as the ex is working however over the last couple of weeks she has been off school and has just gone to the ex's work until midnight.The ex said she wasn't sure yet what Step A wanted to do this week now the school holidays are over.

Step A recently came back from her own wee holiday with her gran and had brought back presents for everyone and when I half jokingly asked where mine was she told me I wasn't family anymore.The ex made some weak remark about how I'd given her money for her hols and she should have bought me something but that's not the point.

I've definitely moved on and accept I'm not part of their family anymore but I do feel I deserve a little more thought after helping to bring her up for over seven years.The most heartbreaking part of splitting with the ex last year was knowing I wouldn't be living with Step A on a day to day basis as I've grown very very fond of her over the years.

It was tough enough establishing and maintaining a relationship as a Step father ( never official as we only lived together and never married) and just being "Mums ex boyfriend" carries even less weight it seems.I'm going to have a word and leave it entirely up to her.With nothing between her Mum and me anymore it's up to us if we want to keep in contact.

I taught her to swim,ride a bike ,use a swing and so much more, but if I'm only a taxi driver and ATM to her these days then it's maybe time to let go a bit.I'm also aware she's now a typical teenager and that being thoughtful and giving thanks are not going to be typical behaviours regardless of how close/distant we are, which means I need to be even more careful about what I say to her.Time will tell on that one.

Ok,that's more than enough for today! On the poker good news front I've achieved my goal of breaking through the $6k profit barrier on Sharkscope which I'm quite pleased about.( though it's not by much and could easily drop below $6k again!).Next goal has to be $7k.Watch this space....

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Saturday, April 19, 2008

Chill Pill time...

Don't forget to register for this Sundays Britbloggerment on Stars.Open to all!

I've only played 5 games since my last post,losing $53 in the process.My downswing continues and in truth I'm beginning to wonder if I have the stomach for it all anymore.Last night after a fine evening with the s-man watching the excellent "American Gangster", I came home and played 4 games.

I'm trying to still be positive when at the tables and not play any differently, but I'm finding it hard to motivate myself to play at all when it just seems I can't ever get a hand to hold up or win a race.Aces cracked by 22 and Kings falling to QJ were last nights lowlights.When I had the KK and the Queen fell on the flop I would have happily placed a sidebet that a Jack/another queen would follow on the turn or river.( and it did)

Even when I get lucky it ends with a kick in the teeth.My only cash was a 4th place and in that one I shoved K2c ,ran into JJ in the big blind,flop was Kh2h5h and of course the villain rivered a heart to go with his Jack of hearts and made the flush which sent me out.

Perhaps I've just been a little tired this week, as normally if I had a start like that I would just put it down to the nature of turbos and fire up some more.I've run just as badly plenty of times over my first ten games of the night and then cashed in a few to give me a decent winning night over maybe 15-20 games in total.This time I just gave up and went to bed.

I've now played 109 turbos this month and have made $99 at 12% roi which is poor considering last month I played 240 games,ran at 33% roi and made $1240.In Feb I played 242 games and made $1029 at 32% roi and in January I made $1234 from 300 games at 63% roi.I don't see the last few months stats as just being a one offs either as my roi over 1685 games is 32%.

Anyway I do feel a bit more wide awake to today after a long lie and I will give myself a boot up the backside before I play again, as taking a woe is me attitude to the virtual felt is not goot at all.

Todays plan is to take Nacho a long walk and then hit the tables.Tomorrow I'm going to the Scottish Cup semi at Hampden and next week I'll be getting the flat ready ( cleaned!) for Rosie visiting.( only 6 sleeps to go!)

Reading my currant bun ( The Sun) with my rolls, square sausage and cup of tea, I was shocked to see a survey out which says that Glasgow women are the ugliest in the UK and that Bristol girls are only number 4 on the top ten prettiest list! Shurely shome mishtake! ( my finest Sean Connery impression is probably better in print!)

Glasgow girls aren't that bad and from a statistically significant sample size of one I'd have to put Bristol at numero uno for the prettiest girls by a country mile!!

Just shows that you can't believe everything you read in the papers...

I'm going to try and get another early ( earlier than 3am is early at the weekend) night tonight but if I'm still up at 4am I'll be tuning in to cheer on Joe Calzaghe against Bernard Hopkins.I think Clazaghe will win ( probably on points) and it should be a cracking fight.Let's get ready to rumble....

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Thursday, April 17, 2008


Poker is all about making the right decisions.You're on tilt? Just be sure you're still making those correct decisions and all will be ok.

Simply submit any poker decision you wish to check to the poker ombudsman and you can instantly discover if you're a shark or a donkey.Ahh if only it was that easy!

In fact though many poker decisions may seem black and white,in order to progress and move your game forward I think it's better to keep an open mind and welcome those grey areas where a move may seem wrong or to go against the accepted grain, afterall the game is constantly changing.

I've also learned from watching players like Annette_15 that it's those players who have that little bit extra in their lockers who are generally more successful.Those who are not afraid to fail or look stupid if a move doesn't come off will ultimately do better than those who stick to ABC poker gleaned from books.

I recently mentioned in a post I'd crashed out of a game after shoving 93 off suit and that I felt I should have been more patient.In fact on reflection I was being far too results orientated and my move was fine.Perhaps not a move I could look up in a poker book and reassure myself that it's common and therefore ok.It is though the kind of move that's worked for me on many occasions and just because I ran that particular 93 off into AK soooted doesn't mean that right circumstances I wouldn't hestiate to do it again.( even if only once per session)

On the football front I wasn't happy that Rangers lost a goal in the last minute to lose 2-1 to the orcs. however it has given our rivals a little hope in the title race and I don't mind that as it will make it all the sweeter if we can see it through and bring the league flag home.

Ok,I'm off to catch up on last nights Apprentice.Tomorrow night I'm heading over to the s-mans and on Sunday it's yet another cup semi-final for Rangers as we continue to pursue the Quadruple dream...

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Wednesday, April 16, 2008


I'm still on a crappy run at the turbos.On Monday night I only played two and went to bed after coming 2nd in one and coming 7th in the other.It was just nice to have a winning night even if it was only over two games!

Last night I didn't get past the first hand of my starting game when I couldn't get away from AK on an AK4 flop.With the standard of play at $16 I'd expect the villain to show plenty of QK type hands that I beat at showdown, but I've been running so badly I just knew he had 44 and he did.On my last hand of the night I had my Aces busted by 1010 hitting a gutshot on the turn after the money went in postflop.I did save the hand history but quite frankly,who cares? In the cold light of day even I don't want to see it again!

I can accept that turbos are high variance swingy type games and losing a few coin flips is standard.In fact losing a lot of coinflips over 100 games is probably standard too.It's constantly getting dominated hands crushed which hurts more.JJ losing to a rivered Ace ( AJ) ,QQ to 1010 and even after I had typed "thats the nature of turbos" to another player who had crashed out after a beat,I had my own AK beaten by KQ a couple of hands later.

Poor me,whine,moan,whinge,it's all so unfair!

The only answer is to keep plugging away and to to try and get in enough volume to help even out the nasty variance.I think it's easier to deal with running badly over say 30 games when they're played over one night or weekend.

Playing only a couple of games per night has definite benefits but investing too much emotion in the outcome of those couple of games is a major disadvantage over just brushing a beat aside and firing up another game when multi-tabling.

I suppose I occasionally read other bloggers posts about how they've lost a few games per night,every night for a week and how badly they feel they are running, and think to myself that I could see that kind of variance in one night and that running really badly is losing most coinflips/races etc over a weeks worth of 10-15 games per night.

In turn of course the real deal mutli-tablers would look at my ( aprox) break even run of 100 games or so and laugh at my short-term results based thinking as 100 games is nothing in the scheme of things.In fact from reading online forums ,breakeven runs or downswings of even a thousand games are not that unusual.

Ok, tonight is the Old Firm game and my cousin will be coming over to watch it with me and Nacho.My prediction is a 0-0 draw which would certainly suit us more than them.In fact even if we lost it would not be a major disaster but now is the time to kick them when they're down and hopefully we can just about end their season by winning.( 8-0 would do me,I'm not greedy!)

Just time to link to this fine wee site.( work safe) I wish Nacho was as obedient!

Loved this from the paper too...

"I asked my girlfriend's best friend what to get her for her birthday," said the chap in the pub at the weekend, "and she told me to get her something which would make her face light up.

"So I got her a torch."

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Monday, April 14, 2008

Poker rut

I still feel like I'm stuck in a poker rut after losing $33 over 31 turbos at the weekend.I did at least finish with a 3rd and 4th ( 1st-4th pays at 18 seat games) however even those ones left me cursing as I ran AJs into AA to go out 4th and had AJ beaten by K10 ( 10 on turn) for my 3rd place finish.

I suppose to be running as badly as I am and still be up aprox $100 for the month ( over 91 games)is ok but after the last few quite profitable months it's very frustrating indeed.I did at least get to bed for 3am on both Friday and Saturday night and don't feel quite as much of a zombie as I usually do on a Monday.

My cousin was also over on Sat night and yesterday I was out at Firhill watching Rangers win 2-0 to progress to the semi-final of the Scottish cup.Before that game there is the small matter of the next Old Firm game at the meccano set in the East End this Wednesday.A draw would suit Rangers and a win would go a long way to bringing our league title home.

Congrats to Katitude on winning the bloggerment last night.Nice to see the title go to Canada for the first time!

My own title defence didn't go well and I crashed out in 12th after racing AK v Dudleys JJ and not improving.I did put Dudley on AJ/AQ or a pair and perhaps I was a little rash, but I was down to nearly 1k in chips and just felt like gambling.

Ahh shopping done,dog walked,sandwiches for 2 weeks made and even dishes done.When is the weekend? I'm exhausted!

Just finished "All my friends are super heroes" by Andrew Kaufman and although it's a strange wee book,I loved it!

Before I send it on to someone I thought I'd post from one of my favourite pages.Feel free to move on to the links on the right if your not into extracts from strange wee books!

Somebody knocked on her door....

"I don't want a vacuum," the Perfectionist said

"I'm not selling vacuums," he answered.His voice was lyrical,calm and reassuring.

"I'm selling love," he answered.

"What kind of love are we interested in today?" he asked.

"What kinds do you have?"

"Well," he said.He stood up. "I've got the love you want,the love you think you want,the love you think you want but don't when you finally get it..."

"That must be very popular".

"It is."

"What else have you got?"

"I've got the love that's yours as long as you do what you're told,the love that worries it's not good enough,the love that worries it'll be found out ,the love the fears being judged and found lacking,the love that's almost- but not quite-strong enough,the love that makes you feel they're better than you....."



"I don't want any of those."

"What kind do you want?"

"I want the kind I had with Tom."

"And what kind was that?"

"It was true love," the Perfectionist said.

She locked eyes with the salesman.He swallowed.It made his eyes look sad.

"Then you'll need one of these," he replied.His eyes didn't look sad any more.They sparkled.He dipped to his right,picked up a sample case,lifted it as high as he could and slammed it onto the kitchen table.He snapped the left clasp open.He snapped the right clasp open.He flipped open the lid,reached in and pulled out a vacuum.

"Your a vacuum salesman?" the Perfectionist hissed.

"You don't really believe true love exists outside one of these?" he asked.

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Saturday, April 12, 2008

Midnight Express

One of my favourite movie scenes.He should have listened to Mr Garrison...

I don't think I could buy a money finish in a $16 turbo at the moment.I played ten last night without cashing and couldn't seem to win any significant hands.Not one! There's no point indulging in self delusion in this game and I'm aware that after about the 7th suckout in a row,I did let my game slip and I made a couple of semi-tilty moves which cost me too.I was suffering from a serious need for munchies by that point too and I never play well when shaky with hunger.Doh! Thankfully I recognised that ,took a wee break ( ate a load of chocolate fingers), came back and took 2nd in a $27 turbo to finish off my sngs for the night.

I'd started with a 2nd place at a $6 game and although overall I only lost $33 from 13 games,it was a highly frustrating night.I'm now only $106 up from 78 games this month and I'm not getting much pleasure from playing.

I was far too tired to play in Kats rebuy donkament at 2am but I did round my night off with ten minutes at a Ladbrokes $100nl 6 max table where I won $30.It was close though! The villain took his whole timebank to fold to my river bet in this hand.

** Game ID 964898405 starting - 2008-04-12 03:05:58
** Wentworth [Hold 'em] (0.50|1.00 No Limit - Cash Game) Real Money

- DoctorCash sitting in seat 1 with $77.46
- Redranger1 sitting in seat 2 with $164.56
- paddletoe sitting in seat 3 with $67.14
- Acornman sitting in seat 4 with $104.23 [Dealer]
- OneEyedJack sitting in seat 5 with $184.09
- Teddybear sitting in seat 6 with $54.32

OneEyedJack posted the small blind - $0.50
Teddybear posted the big blind - $1.00

** Dealing card to Acornman: 2 of Clubs, 4 of Hearts
DoctorCash folded
Redranger1 folded
paddletoe folded
Acornman raised - $4.00 : I'd not raised a hand yet and as I was on the button and it folded to me, I thought I'd pick up the blinds.Oneeyedjack has been tight so far..

OneEyedJack called - $4.00
Teddybear folded

** Dealing the flop: 6 of Hearts, 4 of Spades, King of Diamonds

OneEyedJack checked

Acornman bet - $5.00 : Time to represent the King on a fairly dry board.

OneEyedJack raised - $10.00 : Hmm checkraised but I'm not putting him on the King as he would have no need to protect a King here as the board isn't draw heavy.If he had the King I think he'd be more likely to call here and hope to get more out of me on the turn.I'm thinking he's likely to be on 77-QQ here.

Acornman called - $10.00 : If I had the King I'd probably try and milk him a little and wouldn't want to scare him off.I think my call keeps my " I have an AK type hand" story consistent.

** Dealing the turn: 3 of Diamonds

OneEyedJack bet - $14.50 : For some reason I'm always more suspicious of non rounded up bet sizes and his bet here also seems weak compared to the pot size.If he was trying to show great strength with his checkraise,he doesn't appear to like the fact I didn't fold.

Acornman called - $14.50

** Dealing the river: King of Clubs : Now I'm almost certain he doesn't have a King.

OneEyedJack checked

Acornman bet - $45.00 : I considered betting around $29 to make it look like I was making a value bet but I reckoned he would be more willing to call with a QQ type hand if I didn't make my bet large enough.The pot was $55 and I felt my $45 bet was the best chance I had of taking the pot down.

OneEyedJack folded

Acornman mucks:
Acornman wins $100.00 from the main pot : Phew!

I was at least sensible enough to get an early night and went to bed after that hand.( 3.10 am is early for me at the weekend!) Right, I'm just about to go and pick Nacho up and take him for a run at the local pitches if the rain stays off.

The s-man is popping over later this afternoon and my cousin is coming round at some point after his work this eveving for some smokes and poker.

Still on a natural high after the Gers result the other night.Here's a clip of Whittakers fantastic goal which sealed our place in the semi-final...

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Friday, April 11, 2008

Bring on the Fiorentina!

They did it! Rangers beat Sporting Lisbon 2-0 last night to send us through to the first European semi-final we've ever been in during my lifetime! ( I missed our win in '72 by a few months!)

I ( and Nacho) nearly hit the roof when our goals went in!Darcheville took his well and Whittakers mazy run from his own half ,beating three players,was one of the best goals I've seen in years.Watching the Gers fans doing the Bouncy near the end and singing "Are you celtc in disguise?" to the Lisbon team ( who also play in green and grey hoops)just capped off a brilliant night of football for the blue two thirds of Glasgow!

To think this time last year we were on our way to winning nothing for the 2nd year in a row ( for first time since the 60's)and now we're in a Euro Semi v Fiorentina ,have a Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday,have already won the league cup and are in pole position to win the league! Follow Follow!

A chat with Rosie , a win for the Gers and then winning six turbos in a row!What a night! Ok,the last bit isn't true but two outta three 'aint bad eh!

I did finish my first block of twenty sngs for Stars planet promo with a 229 score which was no surprise as I actually had to take a ten minute break to compose myself after another nasty run last night.

Losing hands is unavoidable in poker but when QQ loses to 1010 on a board that read 10JK99 it's hard not to shake your head! Aww lost to a set,yeess I've made my straight,nooooo the board paired!!

I did scrape a fourth place finish and came 2nd in one game to keep me slightly ahead ( by a few dollars only) for the night.

Ok,tonight is the RTR league game on Virgin.Always a good crowd although I'm not going to be able to play in all the games and don't have a realistic chance of winning overall.Before that I'm off to see a man about a dog and get some dinner.

I'm also going to try and squeeze in another 20 sngs on Stars before the deadline of 4am UK time on Sunday and may also try and play in Kats weekly rebuy donkament on Full Tilt at 2am.( password:donkarama)

Ok,thanks to the s-man for sending me this joke today...

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her,
draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her
supervisor to file a sexual harassment complaint. She tells the supervisor
what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit
against him.

The supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, 'What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice'?

The woman replies, 'It's Keith, the dwarf.'

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Thursday, April 10, 2008

Superhero Friends...

The football wasn't that great last night and thankfully Rosie texted to remind me The Apprentice was on.I don't watch much tv at all but I love watching those twats makes fools of themselves on a weekly basis and last night was no exception.

Before the footy I finished the book "We need to talk about Kevin"( by Lionel Shriver) and after a slowish start I'd highly recommend it.Not many books have actually made me physically shiver the way the last couple of chapters of this book did!

I'm now reading a book called "All my friends are superheroes" ( Not as catchy as my version, "All my friends are balding plump blokes") ** after it caught my eye in Waterstones yesterday.So far it's a wee gem of a book!

On the poker front I'd read a little about Stars new sng planet leaderboard promo and although I was too lazy to read the detail,Mair was kind enough to write an overview on her blog.It seems I only need to play 20 games to have a shot.I played five last night ( my usual $16,18 player turbos) and managed a 2nd,3rd and three non cashes.I was on 91 points after 10 games before last night and I don't think my first set of 20 will be winning me any prizes! ( now 167 pts with 6 games to play)

I did feel I was back to playing somewhere near my best and the new promo has definitely helped focus me.I did run into some nasty suckouts too.One in particular was quite amusing because this total donk had just flopped a flush versus a solid regulars premium hand.I'm always happy to see a fish knock a regular out and was quietly pleased the 120-1 chance of flopping a flush had hit.On the very next hand I wasn't so pleased as the fish insta-called my 5bb preflop raise with 910 and busted my Aces on a perfect 678 flop!

I'm probably going to cashout some poker profit this month to pay for a few things I've mentioned before.I won't be touching my Stars roll though and my next poker goals are to break through the $6k profit barrier on Sharkscope and to get on the Planet Earth leaderboard at some point.Just checked and I'm really pleased to have made it back onto the 2-3 table average profit leaderboard for $6-$15 games,even if it is only in 17th position!

Tonight I'm looking after Nacho and will be spending a nerve wracking 90 minutes watching Rangers playing Sporting Lisbon in the Uefa cup quarter final.As with my poker I prefer not to be too optimistic before the start and then be pleasantly surprised if it does go well.I do think we've probably come as far as we're going to in this competition, but the beauty of sport is that anything can happen on any given day.Come on Rangers! Just do it!

** Any resemblance to anyone called Al Eleven or S-man,living or dead, is of course purely coincidental...

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Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Snappy title.....

I've played four turbs since my last post and have only managed one cash when I came 3rd after shoving AQc over a shortstacks all in and running into the bigstacks KK.( shorty was weak with Q5 as I expected)

In last nights two turbos I didn't feel I played well at all.I'm quite patient when it comes to waiting on a playable hand and will often let my stack blind down from 1500 to under 1k before I start to feel moves need to be made to stay afloat.Being card dead didn't help ,but reraising a fish with AJ was dubious and although shoving 93 off in the other game may have worked if someone hadn't woken up with AKh,I could still have waited a hand or two for something better.

I don't like shoving ( when folded to me) a 2.3k stack with 93 off, however it had been an incredibly tight game with blinds of 200/400 before we even hit the final table and my shove would have netted me 1.2k in blinds and antes ( if uncontested) which would have given me a far better chance of cashing.Hmmm.

I've not played many games because as usual I'm feeling exhausted from too many late/sleepless nights.All my own fault and I don't know why when other people go to bed early,I stay up late as if I'm somehow immune from requiring a decent nights sleep.I suppose I just hate the thought of having no life outside the corporate rat race.Coming home for 7pm and going to bed three hours later would do my head in.Being a night and not a morning person doesn't help and who knows how I'm going to make it to work for 8am on Thursdays and Fridays when our new shift patterns are implemented at the end of the month.

Anyway,Before those games I watched Liverpool beat Arsenal 4-2 to reach the Champions league semi-final against my favourite English team,Chelsea.It was one of the best games I've watched in a long time, with Torres goal and Walcotts unstoppable run for Arsenals equaliser being the highlights.

I also played in a Raisetheriver game on Stars which had an interesting format.The 2nd and 3rd place finishers transfer their prize money to the winner who uses the total prize fund to play a higher stakes sng/mtt and they in turn will then transfer back 30% of any winnings to whoever finished 2nd and 20% to the 3rd place player in the qualifier.

Nine of us started the $10 game and although I enjoyed the chat,I felt I let myself down by trying to play as if there was a traditional bubble rather than adjusting to "win only" format.I had a decent stack at one point but Mairs KJ beat my AQ and oot I went in fourth! Best of luck to Mair who took it down!

More Champions league fitba' tonight and tomorrow night is the 2nd leg of Rangers Uefa cup quarter final.

In other news I hear David Blaine is extremely upset with celt*c striker,Jan Vennegoor,who has made it into the Guinness book of records ahead of the magician after setting a new world record for time spent hanging around the box doing nothing....

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Monday, April 07, 2008

Duck Broken

Yesterday afternoon after the Rangers game, I took Nacho for a long run at the local pitches to try and clear my head after a crappy weekend.

I hit the tables about 7pm and crashed out of two $16's before I had dinner,came back,played two more and took one down.

Thanks to all twenty runners who turned out to play in the Britbloggerment game.I'm happy to say I finally broke my duck and took the tourney down after only 636789 previous attempts!

I'd love to say it was done with style but when we were down to three,Weegem had disconnection issues and although Cell and I slowed play down to give him a chance,he didn't get back until the game was nearly done.

I did feel sorry for weegem ( though cell and I were just glad it was connection issues and not some crisis in the WG household) but I was also pleased at last to take down the game I co-host with Burnley Mik, especially after over a year of suckouts,lost races and my own donkery had denied me previously!

I played two more turbs before bed and finished just out of the money in both.It's been a slow start to the month on the poker profit front although last month was the same.Hopefully things will pick up.

At least Celt*c lost and Rangers drew at the weekend to leave us 7 points clear with a game in hand and two games against them left.If we win the game in hand and can draw one of our games v them, then the title is ours unless we collapse like celt*c did a couple of years ago.

Here's a quick one from the paper I'm sure my good friends would say reminded them of someone ( can't think who!)and a copy of a text I received today and found quite funny.

Ok,back later in the week..

A chap in the pub the other night was denying his pals' claims that he was tightfisted, and pointed out to them that only the other day he had taken his girlfriend's parents out for tea and biscuits.

"Mind you," he added, "they were a bit surprised they had to give blood first."

Breaking news: After the GMTV phone in quiz scam,Celt*c are claiming compensation from the SPL,SFA,UEFA and FIFA for being allowed to enter competitions they have no fuckin' chance of winning.....

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Sunday, April 06, 2008

One of these days...

I'd apologise for the self indulgent musical post, but sometimes this space is simply my place to let it out.It's also late, I'm tired and feeling the effects of more than a few smokes! Feel free to skip over to the fine bloggage and sponsors links on the right.

Bad day...

It's Madness...

Played 22 games,won one and still down $105.Ahhh variance.I've had better nights.I've also got plenty to say but Nachos asleep and letting sleeping dogs lie seems the best idea.

One of these days...

or Hey there Delilah..

Answers on a blog post,probably...

ps At least celtc lost today! There's a new hotline for their supporters: 0800 10 10 10 ( won nothing,won nothing...)

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Saturday, April 05, 2008

Britbloggerment 53 Open...

I won $56 over fifteen $16 turbs last night,however this song just about sums up mistress poker and my night....


Friday, April 04, 2008

Wish you were here...

Rosie is booked up to come back to Glasgow on Fri 25th April which is the best news I've had all week! Only about 504 hours to go...

It's not been a great week at work and I even managed to fall out with a colleague over our new start/finish schedule.My company are taking away our flexi-time in all but name and this colleague was shouting about bringing in employment lawyers to fight it at a union meeting a few weeks ago.Imagine my surprise when I raised the issue at our team meeting and this same colleague riled against the "negativity" being expressed and said we should just accept it and get on with it! There was no way I was just going to let that go...!

I don't talk much about poker at work but was forced to access my Sharkscope stats from my mobile to prove to one disbelieving colleague that it is actually possible to profit from gambling.I explained all the usual stuff about poker being different because it's the other players I'm competing with and not "the house" but the idea that all gamblers lose and any wins are only temporary seems to be ingrained in some peoples psyche.

I did lose the only two $16 turbs I played in last night and although the first crash out was unlucky,I pushed an open ended straight draw too hard in the other because it was creeping past 1am and my eyes were almost shut!

Tonight I plan on playing in the RTR league game although I may have to give Kats excellent Friday night donkament a miss as the UK clocks have gone forward and it's back to a 2am start time ( Full Tilt,pass:donkarama).

Mini driving rant time.When it's late at night and your creeping along at 5mph under the speed limit on a quiet road,don't feckin' flash your headlights at me when I overtake you.Overtaking is not illegal and if you weren't driving like a geriatric on tranquilisers I wouldn't have had to make a move in the first place!

Just time to pimp the pud before I go.I was sorry to hear fellow UK blogger Yorkie Pud was sacked from his job last week.His fine blogging has led to a well deserved gig on Betfairs blog.Get over there,have a read and join the Pimp the Pud campaign ( sounded catchy!) by linking him up on your own blog/site and by stopping by his new place on a regular basis....

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Thursday, April 03, 2008

Pillow Talk

Although I don't watch much television these days I do enjoy The Apprentice.It's hard to believe that this years contestants have a modicum of common sense between them after watching their pathetic task attempts over the last two weeks.Last week the boys team were selling lobsters for £4 each and this week the girls wanted to charge £5 to wash a single pillow case.( laundry task)What planet are these people born on? Planet "Talk the corporate talk whilst having no idea of how the real world works" probably...

Last week some supposedly highly intelligent qualified barrister actually said in the boardroom that there were differences between himself and the others on the boys team because he liked art and culture and they talked about football.Now I don't have any University degrees but considering Sir Alan Sugar is the former chairman of Spurs FC ,I found it an incredibly stupid thing to say and I wasn't surprised he was fired.

The highlight this week for me was the when the potential customer expressed amazement at the girls quoted price and was told they had access to added benefits such as a 24 hour hotline.( to the girls mobile phones).As Sir Alan Sugar said,who is going to be calling a laundry hotline for an update on how their underwear is progressing in the machine...

On the poker front I bombed out of two turbs at Party and one was a particularly frustrating bubble exit.It wasn't a bad beat as I was behind preflop but when I shoved KJ and was called by 77, the KJ3 flop was reassuring until the 7 fell on the turn!

I ran badly in the few games I played at Stars and even fired up a wee 70fpp game to let off some steam as I could feel that silly sense of poker injustice growing.( Silly because I know how turbos work and going 0/5 without cashing is completely standard)

That helped and I took down the last $16 I played which I enjoyed all the more as there were a few solid regulars in the game.

Just back from Ibrox where I watched Rangers play out a 0-0 draw with Sporting Lisbon.I was a bit disappointed we never attacked more but we've scored plenty of goals away from home in Europe this season and the tie is not beyond us yet.

Ok, here's a couple of funnies from the paper which made me smile...

A Dad tells us his teenage daughter had left school and was applying for a job to tide her over before going to college. Under "previous employment" he encouraged her to put "babysitting", to show that she at least had a work ethic.

When he was checking the form for her later, he noticed that after putting in babysitter, the form asked "reason for leaving", and his daughter had written: "They came home."

A reader wonders if Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe will accept electoral defeat and retire to Yorkshire.

Why Yorkshire?

Simply because his surname backwards is E ba gum.

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Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Bluffs n Steals

I didn't play too much poker on Monday night and like last night I was actually in my bed early at 0.30am.I did play a few games on Monday and managed a second place in one of them to boost my Stars roll to just over the $5k mark.

Last night I played a wee $6 turb ( 18 player as usual) with Juice and won it before blowing $70 at a Bet 365 cash table ( 2 pair v flopped set).

I'm trying to add more to my turbo game by incorporating more resteals( versus tight regulars and players I think have a fold button) ,betting into the raiser more often and bluffing a little more.I suppose making a large c-bet with AK when I've missed the flop counts as bluffing but here are some better examples from recent games...

PokerStars Game #16395402109: Tournament #83018926, $15+$1 Hold'em No Limit - Level IV (50/100) - 2008/03/31 - 18:56:55 (ET)
Table '83018926 1' 9-max Seat #2 is the button
Seat 1: Cargy (1885 in chips)
Seat 2: jane0710 (1690 in chips)
Seat 3: zagga (1915 in chips)
Seat 4: sharp726 (2075 in chips)
Seat 7: brasi07 (1845 in chips)
Seat 9: apple1309 (2440 in chips)
zagga: posts small blind 50
sharp726: posts big blind 100
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to zagga [9h Jc] :My favourite poker hand!
brasi07: folds
apple1309: folds
Cargy: folds
jane0710: folds
zagga: raises 300 to 400 :I had given the big blind a fairly easy time and reckoned I'd take the pot preflop most of the time.
sharp726: calls 300
*** FLOP *** [4d 8s Ks]
zagga: bets 700 : Ok, I didn't like the call but it's time to represent an AK type hand.

sharp726: calls 700 : Oh dear.I put him on a King,a pair lower than Kings ( 1010,JJ,QQ most likely) or a flush draw.

*** TURN *** [4d 8s Ks] [Kd]

zagga: bets 815 and is all-in : Now there's another King on the board there's a far slimmer chance of him having one.Time to continue to represent a King of my own...

sharp726: folds : Phew!

zagga collected 2200 from
zagga: doesn't show hand

PokerStars Game #16418339966: Tournament #83135342, $6.00+$0.50 Hold'em No Limit - Level VI (100/200) - 2008/04/01 - 18:14:08 (ET)
Table '83135342 1' 9-max Seat #8 is the button
Seat 3: vbandi001 (4805 in chips)
Seat 4: johnwes66 (8610 in chips)
Seat 8: tz.nguyen (10445 in chips)
Seat 9: zagga (3140 in chips)
zagga: posts small blind 100
vbandi001: posts big blind 200
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to zagga [2h 5c] : I'm in the money but I'm the shortstack and I need to begin chipping up and taking chips.The next largest stack to me is a fine place to start.

johnwes66: folds
tz.nguyen: folds
zagga: raises 400 to 600 : I could have raised more but I wanted it to look like I wanted a call with a big hand.

vbandi001: calls 400
*** FLOP *** [7s Kd Jh]

zagga: bets 800 : On a fairly dry board I was representing the King.Very hard for the villain to continue without being able to beat the King there.Once again, I also wanted to make my story consistent and tried to bet an amount that most players who did have a King would bet out here.

vbandi001: folds
zagga collected 1200 from pot
zagga: doesn't show hand
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 1200 | Rake 0
Board [7s Kd Jh]

PokerStars Game #16418388424: Tournament #83135342, $6.00+$0.50 Hold'em No Limit - Level VII (100/200) - 2008/04/01 - 18:16:14 (ET)
Table '83135342 1' 9-max Seat #9 is the button
Seat 3: vbandi001 (4255 in chips)
Seat 4: johnwes66 (9160 in chips)
Seat 8: tz.nguyen (10195 in chips)
Seat 9: zagga (3390 in chips)
vbandi001: posts the ante 25
johnwes66: posts the ante 25
tz.nguyen: posts the ante 25
zagga: posts the ante 25
vbandi001: posts small blind 100
johnwes66: posts big blind 200
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to zagga [8d 9d]
tz.nguyen: folds
zagga: raises 600 to 800: I have position and a hand that flops well.

vbandi001: folds
johnwes66: calls 600: Ok,once again my steal hasn't worked preflop....

*** FLOP *** [Jh Ad 6h]

johnwes66: checks
zagga: checks : Apart from a runner runner flush draw I've totally missed the flop and as weak Aces could be a large part of his calling range I'm going to keep the pot small for now...

*** TURN *** [Jh Ad 6h] [7c]

johnwes66: bets 400 : Looked like a typical big stacks weak bet to try and steal the pot.If he had a big Ace I'd have expected a reraise preflop or a flop bet with the flush draw out there.

zagga: raises 2165 to 2565 and is all-in : Hoping it looked like I was slow playing a big Ace myself on the flop ( despite the flush draw) and was now springing my trap after his probe bet.If he as probing for information I wanted to be clear in my reply! ( I have that big Ace!)

johnwes66: folds : Phew!

zagga collected 2600 from pot
zagga: doesn't show hand
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 2600 | Rake 0
Board [Jh Ad 6h 7c]

No poker tomorrow night as I'll be at Ibrox for Rangers Uefa Cup quarter final 1st leg against Sporting Lisbon.Come on the Gers....

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